Insecurities

Life in general is very frightening right now. This house project has been great and will turn out to be a really good thing for us but has been financially very draining at a time when funds are especially low. I've been noticing a general feeling of insecurity, related to child and family safety. I'm double checking locked windows and doors and bending over Huggins while he sleeps


and watching his chest rise and fall.

I never thought of myself as nervous or anxious, but this recent time period of being unsettled, moving, renting and doing it all with a young child, has made me realize what a worrier I can be.

I think I also understand what my chubb is related to. I think I've been thinner during fatter-financially fatter times, and fatter during the lean years. It must be related to my general insecurity growing up in two struggling house holds. My dad is amazing, and has reinvented himself successfully countless times, and has even made a good deal of money occasionally, though he always was searching for something, and never felt satisfied to sit tight and be comfortable.

I have struggled though my adulthood. Mostly related to being a student (which I still am!) I hope though that I am able toake it out of this stage of my life and provide a more stable financial example for mu son. I hope I will even be able to provide the opportunity for huggins to never struggle as my family has struggled. Financial struggle has prevented me from exploring tue world and perhaps fully appreciating and contributing to our global exsistence. I hope that when Huggins graduates from high school I can take him someplace amazing, and help him transition from child to adult the way that I needed help.